I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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