i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
