So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
