Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
