addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
