I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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