I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
