I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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