haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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