alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're a waste of cheezeits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
God, I missed his penis.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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