It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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