I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
