everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
