i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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