dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Gay?
German.
Pity.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
