You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Buhtt sex?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
