Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
