pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
