Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
