omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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