I just saw a hot homeless man
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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