even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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