Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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