I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
