I can text with my tongue
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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