I wish I could teleport
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
