I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
