She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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