I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
