after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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