Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
