Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry about my life...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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