i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
