Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
