I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
