He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
