I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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