Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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