meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
