3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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