I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
