yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.