Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

(1-541): View more from Oregon

only in oregon

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(805): View more from California

Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.

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(305): View more from Florida

Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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(631): View more from New York

Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.

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