I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
