if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dicks are not precious.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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