My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My life is pants optional.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
