Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
