He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
