JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
