We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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