Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
