Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
