If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
