Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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