Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
