this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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