i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
