if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
