Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
