I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
