I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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