why didn't you poke me back
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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