Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
