doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
