I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
