before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
17 year olds will be the death of me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
