sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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