morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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