I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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