I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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