I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
