The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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